I want to share how the things in this movie that were discussed could apply to us at PumpWorks Summer Program. The kids that were in this film that are characterized as bullied all had trouble making friends. These are the kids I usually try to seek out. I have never felt like I was bullied when I was going to school. However, I have spent my whole life, even to this day, with the struggle of how to make friends. I do know what it is like to not feel accepted by my peers. For this reason, I want all of the children that I work with to know that there is at least one person on this earth who accepts who they are (on top of that of Jesus Christ).
In the movie, I was genuinely appalled by the comments that the teachers and staff at the schools made in regard to the issue of bullying. There were cases of the children who were victims coming to the teachers and they seemed to take the bully's side. Another case showed a parent coming to the principle to tell them about the issue the film makers showed proof of on the bus. The principle took a similar stance, asking what the child had done to cause the bully's behavior. They also claimed that it was an isolated case and not a major issue or one that needed to put effort into making changes in the school system. Every time these scenes came on, I thought of myself in the role the adult was in. If you are an adult in a child's life, you need to stop and listen to what the child has to say; especially in situations where they are upset. Most of my summer is spent in this role. I get to listen to the unheard children. It takes more time then I may have felt like I had in the moment, but in reality they are the reason I am there and why we have the program at all. It was important to me to hear all sides of a conflict. I wanted to understand both children because usually there is a reason behind everyone's actions. Also in order to fix the situation, both people need to be heard and talked to.
Another thing the faculty mentioned were things like mental abuse is not as important of an issue as physical abuse. They said if there was no blood, there was no harm. This also irked me. As the film shows, multiple children killed themselves because of the way they felt about themselves due to their loneliness. I wish just one person could have been the one to tell them that there is hope for a better day. I want to be that one person to these kids. In childhood they only have so many options in the life they are dealt. If they can simply make it through childhood, they can rewrite their script.
An important theme that has come up a lot for me in that last year or so is people's stories are bigger that we may know. "What's your Story?" was the theme for last summer's program. It was prompted after the founders learned about two of our former participants, who now teenagers, on the news. Apparently, one murdered another. People are more than what you can see on the outside. We need to take the time to get to know them, to understand where they are coming from.
The children need to be taught how to communicate. Sometimes the children have not been heard for so long they stop speaking. They don't talk about their feelings, and when they are pressed they simply say they are fine. Not only do kids need to learn how to talk to a safe person about when they are treated badly, but they also need to learn how to talk to their peers. The bullies need to learn how to use their words respectfully and the victims need to feel the power to tell the bullies that their words hurt.
The film also talked about how bullies create bullies. When someone is bullied for long enough and they do not how to handle the situation in any other way except the way they see the bully handling it, they act in the same way. The child then is put in a situation where they are at fault and could get in more trouble then they already were in. I witnessed this to a much lower degree this past summer. I recall one girl who has been coming to the program since she was old enough to and is in fourth grade this year. She has an older sister who went through the entire program and a younger one that was just starting out. We have never had any trouble with any of them. This summer, however, we had one instance. The first few weeks we heard mention that this girl was being teased and left out from her peers. One day we found her being mean to these same kids. This brought the issue to more light. We had a talk with everyone involved and made sure to continuously check in throughout the summer. This is a prime example of how the bullied can become the bully when authorities do not handle the situation first off.
The situation this was shown in the movie about a girl who grew up in a rough home life. Her mom was a single parent, struggling to support her family the best she could. The girl was smart and hard working, an A student. She was also being bullied. Being tired of it, she had access to a gun at home. With no intention of actually using it, when the bullying started again she pulled it out. The girl did not fire it, but it was struggled out of her hand by another student. The whole story was tough for me to hear. I did not like that she had easy access to a gun that she could grab from her home, and leave her home with it without anyone knowing. I also did not like that the whole situation happened without an adult present: The bullying started- no adult was there to stop it. The girl pulled out a gun- no adult was there to grab it, another student did. Overall, children need to be monitored more. They are not ready to handle these bigger scenarios, yet.
As a community we need to be praying for not only the bullied, but the bully as well. Besides being present in the lives of the children and teaching these children, we also need to just be praying for their lives. As Christians, we need to remember the power of prayer. At the program, we try our best to pray with the children as much as possible. In the busyness of life, this is something that I tend to forget once the issue has been resolved in the moment. It is important to teach the children to turn to prayer in times of need, and in the everyday parts of life. Outside of being with the children, we need to continuously pray for them.
The bully needs to be taught that their choice to bully is not alright. The power for the children that they are responsible for their own actions due to their choices is a big component we teach at PSP. We do our best to communicate with the children with choice language. This is counter intuitive to what I grew up doing working with children. A lot of adults who have not been trained in this field seek to control the child. When the child makes a bad choice, the adult punishing the child becomes the "bad guy" in the child's eyes. When the child learns that when they choose to break the rules, they are choosing the punishment. We acknowledge their feelings, and why they are choosing this behavior because often they don't fully understand it at this age of life. We warn them about the boundaries they are allowed to stay between. And then we give them two choices for consequences of their actions. So, even when they are being punished, they are choosing what that punishment is.
In the movie, they say that the school's attitude is that they cannot control what the kids say or we can't watch what every kid does all the time. I sympathize with these thoughts, because I have felt this way myself at times. I do not really have a great answer to this situation. I do know that the more volunteers we have on hand the more eyes and ears we can have on these kids.
One place that the bullying came most often in the movie was on the bus where the only adult supervision was the bus driver, who could not do anything about it. I think this is an area that needs to be fixed in the schools, and I am thankful that we have plenty of people on our buses to help guide the children. I know that bad choices are sometimes made on the bus, and watching the movie I just thought I am just so glad that an adult was there to stop the situation before it escalated any higher.
I have many more notes on this film, but I think what I have said this far covers the general idea of it. I have been even more enlightened to this prevailing current issue in our community. At the end of the film they shared their facebook page; "Stand for the Silent" and I wanted to pass it on to you guys to be aware of as well. I recommend this film to anyone to be more aware. Share your smile with the children in your life and be somebody to put a smile on their face. Start with one person, and they can join you to action to two, then eventually we can have an army behind the unheard voice. Everyone's voice deserves to be heard. Visit thebullyproject.com
Thanks for joining us this week. Till next time, take care.
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