2014 was a year full of ups and downs. January was a rough month, by the end of the month I was fed up with feeling alone and isolated. I prayed for community like I had known in Portland. Within weeks I found a church group to attend bible study with, I got to know my roommate better as well as our neighbors, I discovered a futsal team to join, and by chance circumstances met a group of people that I came close with, that have the potential to be friendships to last a long time.
At the end of April I quit my fantastic nanny job to start work at one of my favorite places, Daybreak Camp. In May, I began my transition out of Humboldt. Between the start of my new job and the end of my old, I was able to make a trip out to Chicago, for the first time, to visit my little brother. The summer was full of fun, new experiences where many new friendships were developed. At the end of summer, I was offered to stay on at camp- something that I never suspected happening, as it had never been offered before. Since this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and in a job as well as place, I wanted to learn more about I took the position.
Every day since Labor day, has been a new adventure. Lots of time by myself to reflect and think about life- who I am, what I want, and grow closer in my relationship with God. September was a little difficult, being alone most of the month after a summer so busy and full of community. At the begining of October, my brother got married to the perfect match for him. It was a relationship that started four years prior to the wedding, that many of us knew would be a forever relationship. By the end of the month, my ten year high school reunion rolled around. It was a fun night, reconnected with many people I had not seen in those past 10 years. I even went out after, salsa dancing with an old friend I ran into there.
I am most thankful for my month of December. The first weekend was spent with my favorite teens in Livermore, playing hide and go seek, sardines, lava monster, driving around town, blasting music, racing to pizza and getting cheered as we arrived. Later that week, I drove to Sacramento to attend a concert with my sister. We enjoyed Big Data, Joy Wave, Vance Joy, Fitz and the tantrums, Young the giant, and Bush. The very next day I drove down to LA as a travel nanny. It was a very busy job and traffic was a pain, but I got to reunite with one of my closest college friends.
After ten days working down south, I drove to Humboldt to celebrate Christmas with my extended family. It was the best celebration I have had that I can remember. Cinnamon twists were on point, the cousins all wore matching pjs, and love/joy/peace was felt heavy in the room. Also during that visit, I got to spend time with my game night friends. We wrapped presents, played games, and chatted about life. This stop went by much too quickly, but I had to be off to Portland for the weekend.
My heart was so happy to be there. I got to spend quality time with one of my former roommates in the house of one of my second families. We caught up after over a year apart and I got to meet her new boyfriend. I met up with my longest term friends and watched The latest Hobbit movie with their family. I had a sleepover with my favorite preteen twins, and their family where we watched Guardians of the Galaxy, ate pizza, played cards, etc. In the morming we went to PUMPchurch, following that I spent sometime wandering Powells, and in the evening I went to A Jesus Church. Afterward, I went swing dancing, which started out slow not recognizing anyone there at first, but as the night went on more of my friends showed up and my rusty skills shined up a bit.
The plan was to leave Monday morning, but my friends convinced me otherwise. I stayed one more day, had a chill evening at my friends house we watched Maleficent, which was a really great movie. I left Portland at just the right moment. The next time I am there will be in the fall, when I hopefully will be moving back. On my way back down, I stopped at my brother's in-laws place in Corvallis. We chatted for awhile, and then I continued on back to Sacramento to ring in the New Year with my sister and Dad.
I am excited for what 2015 has to offer. I see good things in the future.
Friday, January 2, 2015
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Ideas a brewin'
Just as I suspected, the winds have changed in the last 8 months since I last wrote. I have changed jobs and with that cities. My goal is still to get back to Portland, but I have made a slight detour on the way. This detour will aid me in my dream to bring the Pump Summer Program (PSP) back into action. As of May 15th, I have been living in the Santa Cruz mountains, working at a place called Daybreak Camp. I love this place. It is tied with Portland as my favorite place to be. I knew working here possibly was a once in a lifetime opportunity. Hopefully I will be back in Portland sooner than later. Once I am back there I will be working on getting PSP back, and therefore would not be back at this camp for many years.
I grew up going to this camp starting Labor Day weekend my freshman year of high school. And pretty much since that time, one of my dream careers has been to work here. I imagined it would be after my husband and I retired from at least a 1st career and it would be as caretakers for the camp. I didn't know that jobs below the highest level were possible before last summer. During that time, I came back as a volunteer as I had in the past as a cabin leader for both the Junior high (wildside) and High School sessions (FDC), after a 5 year hiatus due to my time being taken up by PSP. Upon my return, I was shortly greeted by an old friend that I had not seen since probably High School, who was employed by Daybreak. Back then I was pretty shy still, so did not talk to many people outside of my youth group, therefore she was more of an acquaintance. Before, I thought to be summer staff at Daybreak, you had to be a male from campbell (the local church). My friend was from Campbell, but she was a female. Not much longer into the week, I met a new friend who was helping with Wildside, but was also employed by Daybreak. I learned he was not from Campbell, but Livermore instead. Between these two new revelations (a female, and a non-campbellite were employed by Daybreak) I too could work here and I would the following Summer.
Leaving Humboldt was a very interesting time in my life. In my last post, I mentioned my utter despair and loneliness I was feeling without community. That with the revelation I made, I had to be extremely intentional about reaching out and creating it. Through God's grace, it was found and more. Between the young adult group, new game night friends (and with that a possible romantic interest), and the small community of people I had already established it was actually difficult for me to leave. I applied for my job at Daybreak in January of this year. I simply sent an email to one of the current caretakers stating my interest and asked what I needed to do to apply. She told me that I just needed to email them my resume and then after reviewing it would get back to me. I honestly did not know what this job fully entailed, so to write up a resume for it made me feel unqualified. All the same, I put some really good references on there and included any job experience I had that relatively looked like manual labor. Turned out that my past experience did qualify me really well for the job, as my main role here is housekeeping. There were some technological issues that delayed word as to whether I got the job, but after all the kinks were worked out two months later I was told the news I was hired.
At the same time this was happening, I was trying to find happiness in the life I was currently living. In early February, my roommate and I received in the mail an invitation to the annual fireman's auction and dance (a fundraiser for the local community hosted by the fire department). We decided to go, I actually had work off for a change! There were a couple of moment I was not sure if I would make it. I even got called in that day to see if I could come in for a last min date night. I happily told them that I was sorry, but I already had plans. At the dance (which turned out to be relatively lame), my roommate ran into her best friend's old roommate. She was there with her boyfriend and we invited them to join us at our table. Liz was this new friend's name and we instantly hit it off. She was a teacher and we had lots to talk about. Also, her boyfriend is the doppelganger for one of my old friend's from youth group. Showing people their pictures became a fun party antidote. The group of us decided to go out to a bar after the dance and on our way there, our new friend's went to pick up their other roommate to join us. While we waited at the bar for them to meet up with us, I had this feeling in my gut he was going to be someone special in my life. When he arrived, straightaway we began talking about movies, our life, and how they used to have weekly game nights. They asked if we liked games. I told them I loved games. We all decided to head back to their place to play their favorite, Mao. It is now my favorite game as well. From that night we decided we get together every Friday night. And we did sans a few weeks where conflicts came up, but we always rescheduled for a different night in those instances. So, since we met on Feb 8th, we got together at least once a week. Never in my life have I had friends like that. I mean roommates we spent regular time together, and every week I see people from church, but this was different. These friends choose to make plans to get together regularly and we did. It was something truly special. I am thankful for them and miss them as well as those nights.
Their roommate, did turn out to be someone special. I was interested in him from that first meeting. He was attractive, intelligent, funny, athletic, and talked in movies. He was almost the full deal. It didn't take long till interest turned into like, and nearly everyone around me could tell. My roommate was the first to call me out on it. I was so mad that I met him and that I was leaving town soon. Story of my life. God and I had lots of talks about this guy. Every time He filled me with peace for the situation. In March, I was able to go visit Portland. I was there for a week, but was very busy living life there that I was not able to fulfill what I truly was wanting to. During my week, I was house/dog sitting and that took up most of my time. I did get to visit my twin best friends and my twin favorite tweens. I got to see my friends from Nashville who happened to be in town and go to a swing dance of over 700 people. I was able to go to both of my churches, though a lot of people were out of town because apparently it was Spring Break. My two main goals of the trip were to do some job hunting for after the summer and find a dress for my brother's wedding.
At this point, I kind of was considering putting Portland on the back burner and see where things with this new guy would lead. Portland is not in his dreams (though it is in the dreams of his roommates) Tahoe is where he wants to end up. I have not spent significant time there, but I'm not opposed to it. So, I did not apply for any jobs, which was a good thing because I'm still at Daybreak for an undetermined amount of time. When I returned from Portland, things progressed with this guy. I felt more clear about his intentions. Before I thought "he might like me", after I thought "I am pretty sure he likes me". This made me feel sad because I was still planning on leaving soon. Even writing this right now, stresses me out because heading down that path flips all of the dreams I had before him upside down. I don't like it, but I also don't like the idea of not being with him. Let's go back to when I said he was almost the full deal. The thing that also makes me say no to head down the road that leads to him is that he is not an active follower of Jesus. I don't even know what his views on God are. He might be a believer, but the fact that I have to ask shows that it is not a significant part of his life That's important to me.
Being at Daybreak has given me lots of time to think. I know that the months before leaving Humboldt I was living in the moment, not thinking about the future much or at least not acting like it. I think that choice allowed the relationship that was budding to happen. I usually think too much, and squash any chances of getting close to others. Well, a week before I moved, he told me he liked me (yeah, you read that right, a WEEK). I told him I'd be back in 3-4 months. It has been almost 5 months and I still don't know when (or now if I'll be back). I really haven't heard from him besides when I reached out to contact him. If he was interested, I feel like he would put some effort in, so I don't feel so bad. I was only going to return temporarily to see where things could go with him. With my own reflection as well as conversations with many, many people here at camp, it doesn't really make sense to move back to Humboldt. I definitely need to go up and have some conversations with people up there (as well as get the majority of my stuff being stored there).
Well, that is a brief summary of what has been happening in my life these past several months. Many other things have also been going on. Maybe you'll hear more about them later, but I have gone on for way too long already, I feel. The ideas I have for the future of PSP are really exciting and they feel very tangible. There is a group that comes here for the past 40 summers called Opportunity Camp. It is a very similar program to PSP. They serve underprivileged youth. There are a few differences, but I was told that to bring PSP back we would have to come up with a whole new structure and I think this could be what we have been looking for. The kids range from 8-18, as opposed to our elementary focused program. I like this idea of expanding also because it will allow the kids that aged out of our program a chance back in. The biggest differences are that it is only one week and it is an overnight camp, instead of 6 weeks of a day camp. I think this can be a good thing, too. And perhaps in time, we can grow back to having something for the kids to go to during the day for the summers. I know this is something that parents struggling financially to work long hours to figure out childcare while school is out. I would love to open a daycare for our families one day in the future. Basically that's my life and what I am dreaming about these days. I am excited for the future right now, and would love to rush on into it, however I know God is working on me right now to prepare me for the times ahead.
Till next time, Take Care- Cassi
I grew up going to this camp starting Labor Day weekend my freshman year of high school. And pretty much since that time, one of my dream careers has been to work here. I imagined it would be after my husband and I retired from at least a 1st career and it would be as caretakers for the camp. I didn't know that jobs below the highest level were possible before last summer. During that time, I came back as a volunteer as I had in the past as a cabin leader for both the Junior high (wildside) and High School sessions (FDC), after a 5 year hiatus due to my time being taken up by PSP. Upon my return, I was shortly greeted by an old friend that I had not seen since probably High School, who was employed by Daybreak. Back then I was pretty shy still, so did not talk to many people outside of my youth group, therefore she was more of an acquaintance. Before, I thought to be summer staff at Daybreak, you had to be a male from campbell (the local church). My friend was from Campbell, but she was a female. Not much longer into the week, I met a new friend who was helping with Wildside, but was also employed by Daybreak. I learned he was not from Campbell, but Livermore instead. Between these two new revelations (a female, and a non-campbellite were employed by Daybreak) I too could work here and I would the following Summer.
Leaving Humboldt was a very interesting time in my life. In my last post, I mentioned my utter despair and loneliness I was feeling without community. That with the revelation I made, I had to be extremely intentional about reaching out and creating it. Through God's grace, it was found and more. Between the young adult group, new game night friends (and with that a possible romantic interest), and the small community of people I had already established it was actually difficult for me to leave. I applied for my job at Daybreak in January of this year. I simply sent an email to one of the current caretakers stating my interest and asked what I needed to do to apply. She told me that I just needed to email them my resume and then after reviewing it would get back to me. I honestly did not know what this job fully entailed, so to write up a resume for it made me feel unqualified. All the same, I put some really good references on there and included any job experience I had that relatively looked like manual labor. Turned out that my past experience did qualify me really well for the job, as my main role here is housekeeping. There were some technological issues that delayed word as to whether I got the job, but after all the kinks were worked out two months later I was told the news I was hired.
At the same time this was happening, I was trying to find happiness in the life I was currently living. In early February, my roommate and I received in the mail an invitation to the annual fireman's auction and dance (a fundraiser for the local community hosted by the fire department). We decided to go, I actually had work off for a change! There were a couple of moment I was not sure if I would make it. I even got called in that day to see if I could come in for a last min date night. I happily told them that I was sorry, but I already had plans. At the dance (which turned out to be relatively lame), my roommate ran into her best friend's old roommate. She was there with her boyfriend and we invited them to join us at our table. Liz was this new friend's name and we instantly hit it off. She was a teacher and we had lots to talk about. Also, her boyfriend is the doppelganger for one of my old friend's from youth group. Showing people their pictures became a fun party antidote. The group of us decided to go out to a bar after the dance and on our way there, our new friend's went to pick up their other roommate to join us. While we waited at the bar for them to meet up with us, I had this feeling in my gut he was going to be someone special in my life. When he arrived, straightaway we began talking about movies, our life, and how they used to have weekly game nights. They asked if we liked games. I told them I loved games. We all decided to head back to their place to play their favorite, Mao. It is now my favorite game as well. From that night we decided we get together every Friday night. And we did sans a few weeks where conflicts came up, but we always rescheduled for a different night in those instances. So, since we met on Feb 8th, we got together at least once a week. Never in my life have I had friends like that. I mean roommates we spent regular time together, and every week I see people from church, but this was different. These friends choose to make plans to get together regularly and we did. It was something truly special. I am thankful for them and miss them as well as those nights.
Their roommate, did turn out to be someone special. I was interested in him from that first meeting. He was attractive, intelligent, funny, athletic, and talked in movies. He was almost the full deal. It didn't take long till interest turned into like, and nearly everyone around me could tell. My roommate was the first to call me out on it. I was so mad that I met him and that I was leaving town soon. Story of my life. God and I had lots of talks about this guy. Every time He filled me with peace for the situation. In March, I was able to go visit Portland. I was there for a week, but was very busy living life there that I was not able to fulfill what I truly was wanting to. During my week, I was house/dog sitting and that took up most of my time. I did get to visit my twin best friends and my twin favorite tweens. I got to see my friends from Nashville who happened to be in town and go to a swing dance of over 700 people. I was able to go to both of my churches, though a lot of people were out of town because apparently it was Spring Break. My two main goals of the trip were to do some job hunting for after the summer and find a dress for my brother's wedding.
At this point, I kind of was considering putting Portland on the back burner and see where things with this new guy would lead. Portland is not in his dreams (though it is in the dreams of his roommates) Tahoe is where he wants to end up. I have not spent significant time there, but I'm not opposed to it. So, I did not apply for any jobs, which was a good thing because I'm still at Daybreak for an undetermined amount of time. When I returned from Portland, things progressed with this guy. I felt more clear about his intentions. Before I thought "he might like me", after I thought "I am pretty sure he likes me". This made me feel sad because I was still planning on leaving soon. Even writing this right now, stresses me out because heading down that path flips all of the dreams I had before him upside down. I don't like it, but I also don't like the idea of not being with him. Let's go back to when I said he was almost the full deal. The thing that also makes me say no to head down the road that leads to him is that he is not an active follower of Jesus. I don't even know what his views on God are. He might be a believer, but the fact that I have to ask shows that it is not a significant part of his life That's important to me.
Being at Daybreak has given me lots of time to think. I know that the months before leaving Humboldt I was living in the moment, not thinking about the future much or at least not acting like it. I think that choice allowed the relationship that was budding to happen. I usually think too much, and squash any chances of getting close to others. Well, a week before I moved, he told me he liked me (yeah, you read that right, a WEEK). I told him I'd be back in 3-4 months. It has been almost 5 months and I still don't know when (or now if I'll be back). I really haven't heard from him besides when I reached out to contact him. If he was interested, I feel like he would put some effort in, so I don't feel so bad. I was only going to return temporarily to see where things could go with him. With my own reflection as well as conversations with many, many people here at camp, it doesn't really make sense to move back to Humboldt. I definitely need to go up and have some conversations with people up there (as well as get the majority of my stuff being stored there).
Well, that is a brief summary of what has been happening in my life these past several months. Many other things have also been going on. Maybe you'll hear more about them later, but I have gone on for way too long already, I feel. The ideas I have for the future of PSP are really exciting and they feel very tangible. There is a group that comes here for the past 40 summers called Opportunity Camp. It is a very similar program to PSP. They serve underprivileged youth. There are a few differences, but I was told that to bring PSP back we would have to come up with a whole new structure and I think this could be what we have been looking for. The kids range from 8-18, as opposed to our elementary focused program. I like this idea of expanding also because it will allow the kids that aged out of our program a chance back in. The biggest differences are that it is only one week and it is an overnight camp, instead of 6 weeks of a day camp. I think this can be a good thing, too. And perhaps in time, we can grow back to having something for the kids to go to during the day for the summers. I know this is something that parents struggling financially to work long hours to figure out childcare while school is out. I would love to open a daycare for our families one day in the future. Basically that's my life and what I am dreaming about these days. I am excited for the future right now, and would love to rush on into it, however I know God is working on me right now to prepare me for the times ahead.
Till next time, Take Care- Cassi
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
I'm back, and I feel the winds beginning to change
Since my last posting, my work hours have steadily increased significantly. My first day off (besides Sundays, because those always seem to be jam packed) in January was the 27th. The second week in (and 5th on-call shift) I drove home bailing my eyes out. I am not used to working these crazy long hours. I was just at my breaking point, completely exhausted, and the only way to release the tension of being where I do not feel like a belong was to cry. I understand that God sometimes breaks us to make sure we are relying on Him, and these were one of those times. A midst the tears, and k-love playing in the background I voiced to God what I was needing. I reached out via FB to one of my older, wiser friends for prayers as well.
Living here in Humboldt, I have had no community. Since I moved out of my family home to college up in Portland, OR I have learned and lived in community, and it is the most beautiful way of doing life. After my break down I Google searched for young adult groups locally. I found a church right behind HSU's campus. My work schedule did not allow me to attend for a week after finding its existence, but I had a hope that this would be a place where I could find that community we were all created to live in. I have been 3 times now, and so far so good. Every time I am warmly greeted and welcomed in.
A lot of big things have changed in the last six months. At the end of September, my sister, who was the main reason I left Portland, decided to leave me stuck with the lease. She apparently had been hating everything (her words) about living in Humboldt and was just done. At the end of August she became secretly engaged to her on again/off again, long distance boyfriend of 4 months shy of two years. I found out two weeks after the fact, even though we were living together. She always has had an interesting way of doing life. The commitment of engagement, and distance they had been doing the majority of the relationship no longer made sense to her. She wanted to be with him and do all aspects of life with him. I understood where she was coming from. I knew no words I said would change her mind, she was leaving me physically alone in this town she invited me to, after spending the first year together emotionally making me feel alone. The saddest part for me, was that my relationship with her I felt like was finally at a good point and just had room to grow better from there. And now it is at the worst it has ever been.
She at least was kind enough not to leave me high and dry with the rent by myself. She said she could not stay here any longer, but would remain until she found someone to replace her in our apartment. I put that on her to figure out, and my only involvement would be the final approval. I normally would be move willing to help, but I had absolutely no spare time with my work schedule. She placed a craigslist ad, and over the next few weeks applicants came steadily through our home to see the place, as well as meet me. Most seemed strange. One girl that came through, Kaeli, I thought she would be great, but she decided to go a different direction. During the whole process, my sister was pressuring me to accept anyone. There's a big difference between accepting someone as a person and accepting them as a roommate. With the pressure, I ended up saying yes to the one applicant that didn't live nearby, and therefore she would be moving in before we had actually met each other. Even more so, her move in date coincided with the trip up to Portland I had been planning for months. Meaning she would be moving in while I was out of town.
I have always loved animals. I have had a few pets of my own in my life. Ultimately, I want a dog. Until I am able to obtain that, I have settled for lesser pets or been comforted by the love of my roommate's pets. Since I moved from Portland, the idea of a guinea pig seemed second best. I have never even met one before, but I was told they were easy/low maintenance pets. So, while I scoured craigslist for a dog I would glance and sometimes reply to posts for guinea pigs. Around the same time my sister announced she was leaving, I received a response from a guinea pig posting. After replying back and fourth for a couple weeks I became the proud owner of a guinea pig. I named her Spicy. I have since learned they actually are quite time consuming, and we have never fully connected. In the four months I've had her, we have gotten a little more comfortable and I have figured out more efficient ways of caring for her. I feel bad for her that she is not in the best home for her. I have recently re-posted her online to be re-homed. Between my work schedule, desire to travel, and soon moving back to Portland; I think she could be happier else where.
Only a month after my sister had moved back to Sacramento, in with her Fiance,they decided that waiting made no sense to them. They had a quickie wedding at the court house. Most everyone found out via FB. Our Dad luckily found out the day before, and was welcomed to attend (which he did). I am not sure she realizes or cares how much this act hurt so many people. I know it has damaged her relationship with all of her siblings. I'm sure our mother was devastated to learn that she missed the wedding of the first of her children. She is only the second grandchild on our father's side to marry as well. I believe we are all happy for her (I can only speak for myself), but we are just sad that she chose to hide this from us and we only found out by accident. This is supposed to be a joyous time to share with those you care most for. It simply sends the message that she does not want us to be a part of her life. Personally, I am still recovering from this hurt. I am trying to be the bigger person. I know if I was not a Christian, I would be so done with her for all the pain she has caused me these past few years. I refuse to give up on her. My worldly self struggles to reach out to her. My wound is still fresh, but I am working on healing for her betterment.
The purpose of this blog is to discuss PSP related matters and my work to bring it back into existence. Some curve balls have been thrown my way, but the program has been my hope threading me forward. My lease in Humboldt will be up at the end of April. My mantra these days is "Three my months". When days are hard, I just remember my countdown. That there is a purpose out there for me. There is something better than the life I am living now. I have been working on my plans and steps to take to bring PSP back. Fundraising will be the biggest aspect that I will be focusing on. I believe I have mentioned in a previous blog, we will need a minimum of $10,000 before the beginning of the summer to start the program back up. I plan on visiting churches and college campuses along the West Coast to talk about the impact PSP has had the previous 13 years as well as its importance for the future of Portland.
Thanks for tuning in. My life seems to be normalizing once again. However, life likes to keep things interesting. I will update as much as I can, but as long as I have my current job, I can make no guarantees when that will be. Be well and take care- Cassi
Living here in Humboldt, I have had no community. Since I moved out of my family home to college up in Portland, OR I have learned and lived in community, and it is the most beautiful way of doing life. After my break down I Google searched for young adult groups locally. I found a church right behind HSU's campus. My work schedule did not allow me to attend for a week after finding its existence, but I had a hope that this would be a place where I could find that community we were all created to live in. I have been 3 times now, and so far so good. Every time I am warmly greeted and welcomed in.
A lot of big things have changed in the last six months. At the end of September, my sister, who was the main reason I left Portland, decided to leave me stuck with the lease. She apparently had been hating everything (her words) about living in Humboldt and was just done. At the end of August she became secretly engaged to her on again/off again, long distance boyfriend of 4 months shy of two years. I found out two weeks after the fact, even though we were living together. She always has had an interesting way of doing life. The commitment of engagement, and distance they had been doing the majority of the relationship no longer made sense to her. She wanted to be with him and do all aspects of life with him. I understood where she was coming from. I knew no words I said would change her mind, she was leaving me physically alone in this town she invited me to, after spending the first year together emotionally making me feel alone. The saddest part for me, was that my relationship with her I felt like was finally at a good point and just had room to grow better from there. And now it is at the worst it has ever been.
She at least was kind enough not to leave me high and dry with the rent by myself. She said she could not stay here any longer, but would remain until she found someone to replace her in our apartment. I put that on her to figure out, and my only involvement would be the final approval. I normally would be move willing to help, but I had absolutely no spare time with my work schedule. She placed a craigslist ad, and over the next few weeks applicants came steadily through our home to see the place, as well as meet me. Most seemed strange. One girl that came through, Kaeli, I thought she would be great, but she decided to go a different direction. During the whole process, my sister was pressuring me to accept anyone. There's a big difference between accepting someone as a person and accepting them as a roommate. With the pressure, I ended up saying yes to the one applicant that didn't live nearby, and therefore she would be moving in before we had actually met each other. Even more so, her move in date coincided with the trip up to Portland I had been planning for months. Meaning she would be moving in while I was out of town.
I have always loved animals. I have had a few pets of my own in my life. Ultimately, I want a dog. Until I am able to obtain that, I have settled for lesser pets or been comforted by the love of my roommate's pets. Since I moved from Portland, the idea of a guinea pig seemed second best. I have never even met one before, but I was told they were easy/low maintenance pets. So, while I scoured craigslist for a dog I would glance and sometimes reply to posts for guinea pigs. Around the same time my sister announced she was leaving, I received a response from a guinea pig posting. After replying back and fourth for a couple weeks I became the proud owner of a guinea pig. I named her Spicy. I have since learned they actually are quite time consuming, and we have never fully connected. In the four months I've had her, we have gotten a little more comfortable and I have figured out more efficient ways of caring for her. I feel bad for her that she is not in the best home for her. I have recently re-posted her online to be re-homed. Between my work schedule, desire to travel, and soon moving back to Portland; I think she could be happier else where.
Only a month after my sister had moved back to Sacramento, in with her Fiance,they decided that waiting made no sense to them. They had a quickie wedding at the court house. Most everyone found out via FB. Our Dad luckily found out the day before, and was welcomed to attend (which he did). I am not sure she realizes or cares how much this act hurt so many people. I know it has damaged her relationship with all of her siblings. I'm sure our mother was devastated to learn that she missed the wedding of the first of her children. She is only the second grandchild on our father's side to marry as well. I believe we are all happy for her (I can only speak for myself), but we are just sad that she chose to hide this from us and we only found out by accident. This is supposed to be a joyous time to share with those you care most for. It simply sends the message that she does not want us to be a part of her life. Personally, I am still recovering from this hurt. I am trying to be the bigger person. I know if I was not a Christian, I would be so done with her for all the pain she has caused me these past few years. I refuse to give up on her. My worldly self struggles to reach out to her. My wound is still fresh, but I am working on healing for her betterment.
The purpose of this blog is to discuss PSP related matters and my work to bring it back into existence. Some curve balls have been thrown my way, but the program has been my hope threading me forward. My lease in Humboldt will be up at the end of April. My mantra these days is "Three my months". When days are hard, I just remember my countdown. That there is a purpose out there for me. There is something better than the life I am living now. I have been working on my plans and steps to take to bring PSP back. Fundraising will be the biggest aspect that I will be focusing on. I believe I have mentioned in a previous blog, we will need a minimum of $10,000 before the beginning of the summer to start the program back up. I plan on visiting churches and college campuses along the West Coast to talk about the impact PSP has had the previous 13 years as well as its importance for the future of Portland.
Thanks for tuning in. My life seems to be normalizing once again. However, life likes to keep things interesting. I will update as much as I can, but as long as I have my current job, I can make no guarantees when that will be. Be well and take care- Cassi
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Meet The Montgomery's
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| Kamry during the OMSI field trip, learning how to mix chemicals in the lab |
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| Kamry enjoying her bread roll she just finished making over the fire at the wilderness camp (wearing a towel on her head drying her hair after swimming in the stream) |
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| Kamry, all ready to row her canoe |
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| Akira on the bus on the way to the field trip. |
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| Akira, during free choice activity time, playing in the game room. |
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Oops, I did it again
I was doing so well, blogging at least once if not twice a month. I will do my best to catch up these past few months as briefly as possible. In my last post, I mentioned some exciting ideas I was attempting to accomplish for PSP. These things did not happen. My friend I wrote about before, that was going to get married and was going to give me the opportunity to visit Portland, ended up postponing her wedding. This change made it not responsibly possible for me to make a trip up north at this time. I have not had opportunity to be in my favorite place since January and it honestly makes my heart ache.
Before this trip was cancelled, I had sent emails to a handful of people that have been prominent influences in PSP these past few years. I immediately received enthusiastic response back from one of the founders and a mentor of mine. I was immensely encouraged to continue on this path. I also, received word back from my co-director, liking the idea of doing something and advice on different ways this can be accomplished. I then, after much time had past, got a message from one of the other founders and a person I too look up to. Her words were much more discouraging to me. It set me back a bit from moving forward. And then, shortly after was when I got word of the wedding being called off.
Right now, I am in a really good place. Deep down I know it is possible that it is not God's will for PSP to be brought back. I feel called to move back to Portland after my time in Humboldt comes to a close. I feel renewed in my calling to serve. My time will be spent in more intentional service when I am there. Volunteering with both Northwest Children's Outreach (a clothing donation service for needy youth) as God calls us to clothe the needy and the Backpack Food Program (a food donation service for families in need) as God calls us to feed the poor.
This past July, I got to return to some of my roots, serving as cabin staff at Daybreak camp. I had not been there in 5 years, since I began working with PSP. While there, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be in that exact moment. Never before have I felt this way before. I was supported, encouraged, and most importantly loved. My dream is to bring the PUMPworks Summer Program back, in some form. It has also been my dream to work with Daybreak camp, since my youth. While spending time there recently, I got to know many of the staff members very well. My hope for next summer is to get a job there, as I now have learned what it takes to work there.
I feel like my time there will help prepare me for future summers at PSP. Already I have got many new ideas for the program from my time spent there at camp. I imagine if I am granted the opportunity to work for daybreak, that I will get lots more. I am excited for what is a head. I have high hopes. Till next time, keep praying.
Before this trip was cancelled, I had sent emails to a handful of people that have been prominent influences in PSP these past few years. I immediately received enthusiastic response back from one of the founders and a mentor of mine. I was immensely encouraged to continue on this path. I also, received word back from my co-director, liking the idea of doing something and advice on different ways this can be accomplished. I then, after much time had past, got a message from one of the other founders and a person I too look up to. Her words were much more discouraging to me. It set me back a bit from moving forward. And then, shortly after was when I got word of the wedding being called off.
Right now, I am in a really good place. Deep down I know it is possible that it is not God's will for PSP to be brought back. I feel called to move back to Portland after my time in Humboldt comes to a close. I feel renewed in my calling to serve. My time will be spent in more intentional service when I am there. Volunteering with both Northwest Children's Outreach (a clothing donation service for needy youth) as God calls us to clothe the needy and the Backpack Food Program (a food donation service for families in need) as God calls us to feed the poor.
This past July, I got to return to some of my roots, serving as cabin staff at Daybreak camp. I had not been there in 5 years, since I began working with PSP. While there, I felt like I was exactly where I needed to be in that exact moment. Never before have I felt this way before. I was supported, encouraged, and most importantly loved. My dream is to bring the PUMPworks Summer Program back, in some form. It has also been my dream to work with Daybreak camp, since my youth. While spending time there recently, I got to know many of the staff members very well. My hope for next summer is to get a job there, as I now have learned what it takes to work there.
I feel like my time there will help prepare me for future summers at PSP. Already I have got many new ideas for the program from my time spent there at camp. I imagine if I am granted the opportunity to work for daybreak, that I will get lots more. I am excited for what is a head. I have high hopes. Till next time, keep praying.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
ONE
In my last post I mentioned I had some ideas that I hope to implement this summer. They are still in the early works, so I will refrain from saying more at this time.
Yesterday was one day without shoes day sponsored by Toms shoes. I participated, just as I have the last 4 years. My first year, I was working as administrative assistant for PumpWorks under Heath's Directorship. That job thankfully allowed for plenty of flexibility, so on that day back in 2010 I took an extra long lunch. Toms website allows people to organize groups in the area to have barefoot walks all around town. When the scheduled time came around, I met up at the park in front of Lloyd Center where I found about 10 other strangers looking for the same event. The two guys who organized our gathering were a little younger than me and were attempting to create a safe place for teens to come and have fun, etc. They called their place February Falls Short. From attempting to Google the organization now, it seems they are no longer running. It was a really fun experience getting to know all of these people who came from different backgrounds and such. We walked from Lloyd center all the way down to pioneer square, I think it took about an hour. Here is a video one of the participants made from the walk. I'm the one in the big puffy jacket walking toward the front of the group. http://youtu.be/NqJgPkzxomw I haven't stayed in close touch with any of the people from this day, but I am Facebook friends with a few of them.
My second year participating, I was living in the woodlawn neighborhood. I think I was on spring break from the daycare that week. The day before I had just gotten my foot tattoo in memorial of the one year after my Grampa had passed away. I was not able to find any groups meeting this year, but I did want to get out of the house and actually experience walking barefoot that day. I also had been meaning to walk across all of the bridges in Portland and take lots of pictures of that experience. So, I put the two together and walked from my house across the I-5 bridge. I left a little later than I was hoping, I think it was around 4 pm It took me about two hours to get to the bridge. The streets did not have a lot of sidewalks. I was asked a couple of times by passersby why I did not have any shoes on. It was a fairly busy road to be walking on at rush hour time. I was not sure the best way to walk to the bridge. I took a couple detours. I passed some scary looking people. It took me about another hour to cross the bridge and back over again. It was starting to get dark. I had left my car keys at home, in case this did happen to me. I took a break at Target and called my roommate Rachel. She was so kind to do me the grand favor of picking me up and driving me back home. My feet were tired and sore. I had used all of both my cameras batteries and memory space.
The past couple of years have not been as eventful. Last year I worked at both the daycare and babysat for one of the families I had been working for. The daycare hardly noticed I was not wearing shoes. We pretty much never wear shoes anyways. Never in the house, usually outside. I just didn't at all that day. The boys I babysat for asked me why* I was not wearing any shoes. These boys were fun. They were 5 and 7 half Japanese/half American. The five year old was pretty spunky in general and questioned pretty much anything I said or did. I explained to him why I was not wearing shoes. This year I was working. I currently Nanny for a 21 month old. We stayed inside most of the day, but toward the end of my shift he really wanted to go outside. The UPS man had knocked on the door just as the baby was waking up from his nap. He was really persistent at the door, so we rushed downstairs. As I was signing for the package, the child's Mom came home. So we spent a good 5 minutes running around outside both barefoot. Their rocky driveway was really starting to hurt my feet. I decided this was not responsible childcare at this point. Thankfully, convincing him to go inside for a moment to get shoes on was not a battle (as at times it has been). Once he had shoes on, he wanted to hit the neighborhood. I politely obliged. He raced up the hill of their driveway, as I paced behind him. Their neighborhood unfortunately does not have sidewalks. We only spent about a half hour out there up the gravel street we explored on was killer on my soles. I found relief by walking on the yellow painted dashes in the middle of the road, when I could. As soon as I got home I washed my poor tired, sore feet.
Why* do I do this each year? I do not own any Toms shoes. I think what Toms does is good. I have heard rumors about poor business practices they have, but I have not heard confirming facts either way. The reason I do this is because of the children right here in our very neighborhoods. There are thousands of children who go barefoot or without proper footwear everyday not by choice all around the world, including america. Here in America, and locally in Portland, where the children I generally serve have one of the highest homeless populations in the country. I know for a fact at least one family we served at Pumpworks was homeless. Many of the children we work with are neglected at home or even abused. Some are loved, treasured, and cared for; but their families are still in poverty and still cannot afford basic necessities. Some are living in horribly sad and difficult family situations beyond their control. They live with their parents, other family members, or in foster homes. We PumpWorks gets up and running again in a few years I want us to be more active in the families we serve lives. Sometimes we learn about the situations they are facing because a child will mention something or a parent will step forward and tell us. I want to reach out to all of the parents and find out their prayer requests as well as what needs their families are struggling with. Not only do I want to know what they are, I want us to try and meet those needs. I think this will be an easily attainable goal. (source: http://shoes4theshoeless.org/blog/) I stumbled upon this blog while searching for facts for my blog. Check it out.
I am ONE person. Right now I have ONE follower. If I can inform ONE person of the struggles of the children around us, I have accomplished something. If I can meet ONE child's need, I have made a difference. What ONE person can you reach? What ONE change can you make?
Yesterday was one day without shoes day sponsored by Toms shoes. I participated, just as I have the last 4 years. My first year, I was working as administrative assistant for PumpWorks under Heath's Directorship. That job thankfully allowed for plenty of flexibility, so on that day back in 2010 I took an extra long lunch. Toms website allows people to organize groups in the area to have barefoot walks all around town. When the scheduled time came around, I met up at the park in front of Lloyd Center where I found about 10 other strangers looking for the same event. The two guys who organized our gathering were a little younger than me and were attempting to create a safe place for teens to come and have fun, etc. They called their place February Falls Short. From attempting to Google the organization now, it seems they are no longer running. It was a really fun experience getting to know all of these people who came from different backgrounds and such. We walked from Lloyd center all the way down to pioneer square, I think it took about an hour. Here is a video one of the participants made from the walk. I'm the one in the big puffy jacket walking toward the front of the group. http://youtu.be/NqJgPkzxomw I haven't stayed in close touch with any of the people from this day, but I am Facebook friends with a few of them.
My second year participating, I was living in the woodlawn neighborhood. I think I was on spring break from the daycare that week. The day before I had just gotten my foot tattoo in memorial of the one year after my Grampa had passed away. I was not able to find any groups meeting this year, but I did want to get out of the house and actually experience walking barefoot that day. I also had been meaning to walk across all of the bridges in Portland and take lots of pictures of that experience. So, I put the two together and walked from my house across the I-5 bridge. I left a little later than I was hoping, I think it was around 4 pm It took me about two hours to get to the bridge. The streets did not have a lot of sidewalks. I was asked a couple of times by passersby why I did not have any shoes on. It was a fairly busy road to be walking on at rush hour time. I was not sure the best way to walk to the bridge. I took a couple detours. I passed some scary looking people. It took me about another hour to cross the bridge and back over again. It was starting to get dark. I had left my car keys at home, in case this did happen to me. I took a break at Target and called my roommate Rachel. She was so kind to do me the grand favor of picking me up and driving me back home. My feet were tired and sore. I had used all of both my cameras batteries and memory space.
The past couple of years have not been as eventful. Last year I worked at both the daycare and babysat for one of the families I had been working for. The daycare hardly noticed I was not wearing shoes. We pretty much never wear shoes anyways. Never in the house, usually outside. I just didn't at all that day. The boys I babysat for asked me why* I was not wearing any shoes. These boys were fun. They were 5 and 7 half Japanese/half American. The five year old was pretty spunky in general and questioned pretty much anything I said or did. I explained to him why I was not wearing shoes. This year I was working. I currently Nanny for a 21 month old. We stayed inside most of the day, but toward the end of my shift he really wanted to go outside. The UPS man had knocked on the door just as the baby was waking up from his nap. He was really persistent at the door, so we rushed downstairs. As I was signing for the package, the child's Mom came home. So we spent a good 5 minutes running around outside both barefoot. Their rocky driveway was really starting to hurt my feet. I decided this was not responsible childcare at this point. Thankfully, convincing him to go inside for a moment to get shoes on was not a battle (as at times it has been). Once he had shoes on, he wanted to hit the neighborhood. I politely obliged. He raced up the hill of their driveway, as I paced behind him. Their neighborhood unfortunately does not have sidewalks. We only spent about a half hour out there up the gravel street we explored on was killer on my soles. I found relief by walking on the yellow painted dashes in the middle of the road, when I could. As soon as I got home I washed my poor tired, sore feet.
Why* do I do this each year? I do not own any Toms shoes. I think what Toms does is good. I have heard rumors about poor business practices they have, but I have not heard confirming facts either way. The reason I do this is because of the children right here in our very neighborhoods. There are thousands of children who go barefoot or without proper footwear everyday not by choice all around the world, including america. Here in America, and locally in Portland, where the children I generally serve have one of the highest homeless populations in the country. I know for a fact at least one family we served at Pumpworks was homeless. Many of the children we work with are neglected at home or even abused. Some are loved, treasured, and cared for; but their families are still in poverty and still cannot afford basic necessities. Some are living in horribly sad and difficult family situations beyond their control. They live with their parents, other family members, or in foster homes. We PumpWorks gets up and running again in a few years I want us to be more active in the families we serve lives. Sometimes we learn about the situations they are facing because a child will mention something or a parent will step forward and tell us. I want to reach out to all of the parents and find out their prayer requests as well as what needs their families are struggling with. Not only do I want to know what they are, I want us to try and meet those needs. I think this will be an easily attainable goal. (source: http://shoes4theshoeless.org/blog/) I stumbled upon this blog while searching for facts for my blog. Check it out.
I am ONE person. Right now I have ONE follower. If I can inform ONE person of the struggles of the children around us, I have accomplished something. If I can meet ONE child's need, I have made a difference. What ONE person can you reach? What ONE change can you make?
Friday, March 22, 2013
Bright Ideas
I know I have not written in a couple weeks. Even though I feel I should write more, this entry will be a little bit more of a teaser. This time last week was a sleepless night for me. I got two, maybe three hours sleep. I got to bed around my usual time a little after midnight, very tired from a long day. I had most of the week off, and would be working a long day, early in the morning, and most of the weekend.
As I climbed into bed, I thought about the poster above my bed. It is a collage of papers I led my green group at PSP in making two summers ago. This year would be there sixth grade year, their last. No future years would allow them to participate as campers in the program. The facts of this makes me so sad. These are my kids. My first year helping PSP as a volunteer, I spent that first week with the first graders. These very same kids. When I first was able to intern the next year, I co-lead the second graders. I have watched these kids grow into incredible people.
Portland is the best place to be in the summertime. They have the best weather. There is SO much going on ALL the time. I have been planning my next visit for the summer. One of my former roommates is getting married July 5th. I figured I would go up about a week early to help out where I could. While thinking of my kids, I thought I should make some time to visit them while I am up there. This idea rolled into a plan to put on a mini-PSP for this summer.
I started getting really pumped up that this could actually happen. I was so excited, I could not stop my thoughts from flowing. I wrote down as much as I could, but then I had to make attempts to get some sleep. I have just started the early planning process of this. I do not want to say much more about this because I want to hear some confirmation from some people I have contacted first. I will keep you updated as plans do come to life.
Take Care, till next time!
As I climbed into bed, I thought about the poster above my bed. It is a collage of papers I led my green group at PSP in making two summers ago. This year would be there sixth grade year, their last. No future years would allow them to participate as campers in the program. The facts of this makes me so sad. These are my kids. My first year helping PSP as a volunteer, I spent that first week with the first graders. These very same kids. When I first was able to intern the next year, I co-lead the second graders. I have watched these kids grow into incredible people.
Portland is the best place to be in the summertime. They have the best weather. There is SO much going on ALL the time. I have been planning my next visit for the summer. One of my former roommates is getting married July 5th. I figured I would go up about a week early to help out where I could. While thinking of my kids, I thought I should make some time to visit them while I am up there. This idea rolled into a plan to put on a mini-PSP for this summer.
I started getting really pumped up that this could actually happen. I was so excited, I could not stop my thoughts from flowing. I wrote down as much as I could, but then I had to make attempts to get some sleep. I have just started the early planning process of this. I do not want to say much more about this because I want to hear some confirmation from some people I have contacted first. I will keep you updated as plans do come to life.
Take Care, till next time!
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